I Care, But I Don’t


This has been a long time coming—many stops and starts over the years tied to self-doubt, lack of clarity and vision, awaiting the right moment, the right feeling, the right presentation, the right everything. All of this ultimately punctuated by “who cares?”

I do, and I don’t.

Oh, to be able to say this and really mean it. It’s a liberating sensation. To look a dream in the face and say “I love you and I will nurture you with all of my heart, but if you turn away from me, I will not fall apart.”

In yoga-speak, it’s the reconciliation of abhyasa and vairagya—effort and surrender. But, there’s more. For me, this has also been about finding the thing that sings. Put visually, it’s like dumping a spoonful of mud into a glass of water and watching while all of the debris slowly sinks to the bottom, but there’s that one particle that continues to float. Stubborn, independent, resilient and formidable.

That’s the thing. And, once you recognize and embrace the thing, all of the forces begin to mobilize around you offering both subtle and deliberate cues to propel you forward. Then, something wondrous begins to happen. It becomes effortless, it feels right, it becomes a calling.

The thing becomes your passion. You do it despite the practical or impractical obstacles. You face off with the inevitable doubts that will still emerge and disrupt. You do it even if no one else cares that you’re doing it.

Because you care, and you don’t. Enough said.

Anyway, welcome to my blog. I make no promises about frequency and consistency; it’s just a place for me talk about stuff if and when the urge occurs. You will probably see me alternate stream of consciousness (like this inaugural post, right?) with more practical and concrete topics. Either way, I appreciate you checking in and checking it out.

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